great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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