3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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