she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
