can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
