I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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