so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
