sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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