i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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