you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
