He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
