my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
