if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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