hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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