weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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