So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
