Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
