I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
