please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
