Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
