Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
wow bdsm is so cute
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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