I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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