I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
