If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
