Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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