pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
