you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
