Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
