Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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