she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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