An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
