Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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