I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
