Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
