Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
