there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
