Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
