that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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