are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
