I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
