Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
