I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
NoShamevember. You game?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
