btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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