there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
