You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
