We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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