Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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