I faked an abortion last night.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
