the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
