According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
