so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
