I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
