I need help removing her.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
