i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Less talking, more tequila
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
