the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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